Facebook Status Quotes




I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.


Dear Santa, let me explain…
Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart.
Best Friends Listen to what you dont say.


You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.


I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?


¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

"I’m not procrastinating. I just haven’t finished doing nothing yet."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy bacon, and that's pretty damn close."



"I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar and told my friend "That's us in 10 years". She said "That's a mirror"."


"Sometimes I watch basketball holding a ps3 controller just to screw with my grandpa's head."


"The internet is a terrifying place for people with a phobia of cute cats."


"Men have three basic hairstlyles: parted, unparted and departed. "


"Sometimes I sneak up on my alarm when it's sleeping and yell "how does it feel!?""


"The number one cause of losing your social life is a social networking site."


"When writing the story of your life don't let everyone hold your pen..."


"Not sure what age it happened, but I have officially gone from a Stud Muffin to a Bran Muffin."


"Japan is always talking about how they're becoming "americanized" which is not true. No one even speaks Spanish over there"


"We grow up having others' opinions of right and wrong pushed onto us: parents, society, iPhone autocorrect."


"Have you ever had a fly land on you screen and your first instinct was to scare it with the cursor?"


"Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital."


"Life is way more exciting in your forties. At any point you could sneeze wrong and end up getting emergency back surgery."


"As a funny prank, Clark Kent should go try to get his ear pierced."


"Facebook makes high school reunions awkward. Hey, I haven't seen you 20 years. So how was that nap you took this afternoon?"


"How much do you think Tom would freak out if we all went back to MySpace right now?"


"Beer is a gateway drug to aspirin."


"My boss is one in a million. I'm just hoping this lightning storm thinks so too..."


"My dog ate a condom yesterday. Now try explaining THAT to the vet as it's hanging halfway out of his butt!"


"What do caps lock and prison have in common? They can make your "o" into an "O""


"No one was donating money to the child cancer fund at work so I changed the sign to "Robot Shark Research." Little Billy's gonna make it."


"I have sexdaily! Crap, I mean dyslexia."



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